haiz

I BEG of all of you, PLEASE put effort into this production. PLEASE!!

dear blog...

im terribly down today
it seems all my effort i put into that production has gone to waste
no one puts in effort at all
its like only laoshi, some of the seniors and a few juniors are putting heart into it
to the rest its like nobody's business
i dunno what's wrong with them
i dunno what the hell they are thinking
i just hope that they can wake up
all of a sudden hkhk has become so insignificant to me
when it has been in top priority for soooo many years
i HATE to be alone in the class when my friends are all in the senior groups
just because they are older
i know its not wrong
but its like they just left me out of everything they do
i wanna overcome this age gap
but things gt worse,
im nt promoted to gold next year
and i still hav to stick in silver
i reall really dun like silver now
despite being the head
it sucks
you are the only student that gives a serious damn abt the show
when others dun
i just wanna be a head
that lets my juniors, do what they deem fit
and never ever scold them,
trust me, till nw, i hav nt scolded anybody in silv
but i cant guarantee it for long
i feel so left out
i feel like quitting hkhk right away
i feel like giving up on the production
i feel like just hiding this piece of me away forever
i feel like nt remembering it at all
but i can't
with all the responsibilities on my shoulders
i wonder
why did i even want to be the best in the first place?
being the head now,
means doing most of the things
even wang hinted to me

mayb this is a gd way to bring me abit further frm hkhk
cos i will be taking a long leave nxt year for my exams
but i cant plan sooo much when i hav this dark cloud over my head
this production is my WORST one ever
i'm disgusted
i'm tired
i'm grossed out

it reflects everything i hav been doing in this class
when the production is over
if its good, i will have no regrets
if its bad, it will leave a bad impression with the audience that silv troupe
is not really that good afterall
i will lose face
which is something i HATE AFTER production
but never DURING performances

i dunno whether to talk now, or just keep quiet
stink today again
sundays are supposed to be my happiest day of all
it has just turned upside down
takecare readers who bothered to read
[yisong]