310

let's talk about firsts,

many meanings to the word, but i shall share my understanding of it.

afterall, i've been surrounded by 'firsts' and other meanings of it since the feb last year.

let's explore,

FIRST, as a noun, first in competitions, first in the line

FIRST, as an adjective, first to arrive, first stage

FIRST, as an adverb, for the first time

many more :\

well, let's talk about first as a noun,

first in a race, first in ranking..

we all want to be winners. i'm sure. even if you don't show it, you mean it and you crave for it deep inside. like "oh man, how i wish i won so that "

but very sadly, only ONE can win ( that's why there's this thing "1st" ) and well, if you didn't. hmm, too bad, try again next time. personal experience? plenty. in army, during BMT, UDC, my Det came in 2nd. Lost by 3 minutes. Best time in my platoon, but not in the entire company. Anything good happened after that? No, maybe a pat in the back for doing so well in the platoon, thats all. The winners? all the glory, all the limelight, all the attention. my friend posted online, 2nd, 1st in the line of losers. how true, i thought. we pushed ourselves so hard and so bad and when we got 2nd, we got consolations, nothing more. "oh, it's just a competition for fun", "don't worry, you are still the best in our platoon", "the other team won because...". but now after looking back to that experience, winning was pretty much everything (at least in camp, not outside..okay maybe abit) you get to brag about it until now, people know you for it, instructors recognise your efforts bla bla... so who says winning ain't everything?

Winning best combat unit, 25 times, 8 times in a row. thats a feat, everybody recognises it. everyone in the world acknowledges the fact that we are special. so many units competing for it at the same time every year. is all the effort worth it? i really want to know how the best inf unit feels and those who fell short of the awards. don't they put in the same effort as well? aren't they dedicated as well?( this i really can't say, sadly ) its the same as the previous experience, just that i got the better side of it. but once you win it, (i know cos i felt it), its like you conquered the country, you brag about it, you laugh at others, you mock them (of course, all for fun), you keep harping about it...man, the feeling was great the moment the results were announced in that cookhouse. exhilirating (opps?), overwhelming, satisfying, over the moon. and, we tend to forget about the others. don't we?

hmm, tbc, brainwaves abit sot now, and i gotta go back...

309

last time i updated, it was almost 1 year ago.

time flies, and i don't know why i am blogging now.

time as a person on the ground feels good.

i mean my status in the army, my rank.

when you are down there,

there are no expectations,

there are no responsibilities,

nobody cares even if you made a mistake.

because you are DOWN there.

but when you are UP there,

everything is the opposite.

i kinda decided to not take up any leadership positions in army.

i regretted abit here and there, complained here and there, but well,

i think that i did the right thing, after 4 years of high profile leadership posts (exaggerated)

things down here are really different. its what i mentioned three paragraphs ago.

i feel relaxed more than ever, and i'm not obliged to do anything nor live up to any expectation

or call of duty.

but then i start to question the abilities of the people UP there.

especially, the one all the way UP there

i don't know how to describe the problem with him.

he is by the book,

and nothing can bend it.

he is a perfectionist,

and he keeps seeking it.

and lastly he is inflexible,

and he does not change.

i mean, from where we are, can't he be more flexible?
everyone else is, except him! but i can't say its because of his roots cause there are others

with the same roots as his!

he gives one little, tiny rule that we must abide by, like sewing of a badge

i mean, come on, its just a badge, and its up to us whether we want to show it or not right?

and at every opportunity, he will go around and pick.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE TO PICK AND PUNISH FOR A BADGE!?

next,

i really pity two fellas , and now recently, another two more.

the first two are holding two appointments together and they:

1) participate in every activity

2) prepare all the shit for EVERY activity

3) do ALOT of last minute shit because of your lack of advance warning/notice (insight)

4) do NOT complain to you at all

5) have to rack their brains every week for something that is coming two weeks later

AND AT TIMES WHEN THEY ARE SO SHAG YOU STILL SCOLD THEM!?

i mean, cut them some slack man,

they are already having two of the most problematic appointments (with the most shit to do) and you do not see this problem cos of you being UP there,

and you NEVER asked, staying in your office all the time

and as an office-r DO NOTHING to lighten their burden.

AND YOU SAY YOU WOULDNT RECOMMEND FOR MY MATE TO BE AN OFFICER WHEN HES TRYING TO SEEK A CAREER OUT OF IT!

so what if he's not competent yet, people change and grow better! (except you)

it's like dousing your birthday cake candle with water before you can make a wish and blow it.

SAF

Serve And Fuck-off

thanks to people like you.

i'm just venting my anger here, pardon me

it's been kept since august last year

[yisong]